Some people think the plant-based, whole-foods diet is extreme. Half a million people a year will have their chests opened up and a vein taken from their leg and sewn onto their coronary artery. Some people would call that extreme.- Dr Caldwell Esselstyn
First of all, I don’t identify with the term vegetarian. A vegetarian could be living on fries and hard candy. I prefer to reference my diet as plant-based, but that just prolongs the follow up so I tend to use the more familiar but still completely misunderstood “vegetarian.” I am sometimes completely vegan and, occasionally, mostly to avoid awkwardness, pescetarian. I may eat a raw diet for a while, usually by chance. No matter the particulars, I am plant-based.
Second, it isn’t just me. I remember shortly after I made the shift thinking I was the only person for 100 miles who didn’t eat meat. Two weeks later I realized a new acquaintance was a vegetarian. She asked me not to tell anyone. Then I overheard someone saying their doctor had recommended a plant-based diet but they knew their family would never support them. When I found out a woman in my social group was plant-based, she told me she tried to hide it.
And people going out of their way to be critical is nothing new. From people at the grocer who bother making their opinions known about parenting to unsolicited advice about what you should do with your vote, people like to spread their beliefs around.
Let’s be clear: I don’t mind sincere inquiries or innocent observations. I mind the judgement and scorn that is not socially acceptable for, say, healthy eaters to publicly deliver to SAD* eaters.
I LOVE to talk about food and everything related to it. I do it in front of groups. I write about it. But every veg head (and especially the vegans and those in the southern US!) knows the inquiries I address here with the possible exceptions of people who live in areas where it is culturally acceptable, like India and Blue Zones.
Let me address your concerns:
- Thanks, but I get plenty of protein. Plants have protein. In fact, you’d have to be calorie deficient to not get enough protein from a plant based diet. This stems from one of the most persistent myths in food. Why does everyone suddenly become a nutritionist when they find out someone is a vegetarian? People I barely know who are eating fried food and don’t get one raw veggie a month will suddenly be concerned about my protein intake when they find out I am different. Most people don’t even understand what protein is but they know they can get it in meat. Protein is chains of amino acid, one of the four types of bio-molecules. No one who asks this question knows that. I’d love to turn it around. “Where are you getting your photo-nutrients? I mean, I’d love to have a serious discussion about health and nutrition but this baby shower really isn’t the place, you don’t seem to know what you are talking about and you are holding up the line to the rock hard, candy coated almonds.” But I just smile and thank them for their concern.
- Please, do not make inferences about my political views. I’d pretend to be anything if it would bother people who make assumptions about people’s politics.
- It is not because of my religion. There is a very spiritual component to food and what one eats is an ethical and moral issue, but I am not “like this” because my religion dictates it must be so. And, if that were the case, that would also be okay, don’t you agree?
- No, I am not vegetarian because of my weight. I like to answer this with a horrified, “What are you implying?!”
- I’m actually shockingly strong. This little myth has really eaten away at me over the years. Go Google vegan, vegetarian and plant based athletes. Now, come try and keep up with me for a day. Do you know when I don’t feel strong and wide awake? When I have had under 6 hours of sleep and have been eating junk.
- Yes, I, too, can find studies that say I should eat dead animals. As meat eater and farmer extraordinaire, Joel Salatin has sagely observed, we should realize that agendas drive data, not the other way round. I can find studies to show cigarettes and bacon are healthy. The quality, size and funding of the studies are key. I’m doing what works for me and there is a lot of science that backs it up.
- No, I do not “miss meat.” I have watched the butchering of animals, made fresh sausage, cut up whole chickens, kept books at a hog operation, taken a class in a meat locker, been on farms, worked in steakhouses and been around hunters and death my whole life. When I was little, my parents raised our meat. To me, that is a dead animal. That is it. I don’t like the mouth feel anymore, I don’t like eating a carcass and I don’t feel great if I do. This leads to…
- No, it isn’t hard. Once I make up my mind about what I do or don’t do, it doesn’t bother me to commit. I remember the last time I ate beef. It was a matter of habit and I remember looking down and thinking, “I forgot, I don’t do this,” and stopped. No beating myself up, no second thoughts, no wishing I could go back. It is not that dietary adjustments are never hard (ask my chocolate stash or the cheese I am hiding for a nice wine) but after the time I’ve spent around dead stuff, I’m good. And I do not expect you to cater to my eating habits. I do not mind or suffer in the least if I end up skipping a meal, so don’t stress about it.
I hope this helps the next time you notice one of the roughly 375 million vegetarians on this earth at a wedding reception or one of the ever growing crowd of plant-based eaters at cub scouts.
Love from the farm
Happy eating, Katy
Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.-Albert Einstein
*SAD is the Standard American Diet, a fitting acronym for the worst possible choice in eating plans.
Katy Had a Little Farm 
We are certainly not vegetarian though we do eat vegetarian meals. We have even done periods of time where we eat vegetarian only. People do think it is odd. They especially think you are odd when you tell them you eat tofu.
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I like meat (Read “Pork and Bacon!”) but we often have veggie meals. In fact the number of veggie meals usually outweighs the meat ones.
But I won’t say I am a vegetarian. Even if I didn’t eat meat again as, well…. Over here at least, the majority of vegetarians are mouthy blow-hards that insist that, because they don’t eat meat because they are better than everyone else… I shouldn’t either. To which I have 2 words to say… And you can guess what they are. B-)
However… I could never be a vegan. Eggs, milk and gelatine appear too often in my recipes and leather is really the only way to go for good work gloves.
Oh… And if ever anyone tells you that a vegan/veggie diet is not that good… Ask them if they would argue with a gorilla. >.>
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Katy you know I am not a vegetarian, but I am amazed when people say it is boring and bland. Maybe we should teach them a little bit about herbs and spices. Our several veg meals each week are far from bland.
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We really should, Andy. I don’t feel any lack of diversity or flavor in my diet:)
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Teenage girl on my daughter’s vegetarian lunch: ‘carrots have feelings too, you know!’
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I’m not a vegetarian, but yes, I’m completely with you! I relate with all of these points, all very well made, well done! I especially get annoyed when people think of vegetarians as physically weak. Since I’ve moved to a more plant based diet I actually feel a lot stronger and have much more energy! I have lots of nutrition / wellbeing bits and bobs on my blog, I would love for you to take a look!
http://brewsker.com
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Looks great! Thank you for sharing!
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So … just read this post aloud to my boyfriend and it launched us into a half hour long session of complaining about vegetarian hate! We feel ya! We’re southerners and we’re CONSTANTLY attacked for our vegetarianism. It upsets us so much that we, like the people you mention, try to hide it. This really bums me out because I’ve been a veg for 16 years and it’s such a huge part of my life – it’s an integral part of my being!!! Yet despite the fact that it’s so important to me, I am unable to discuss it with anyone – even family! – for fear of being attacked and ostracized. I make a point to NEVER tell anyone what to eat or to proselytize about vegetarianism, yet I’m always the “bad guy” aka a sickly, extreme hippie. The whole thing makes me so bummed out …
Anyways, you’re spot on! I especially loved the protein blurb, since that’s the most common attack 🙂
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It is possible no one understands quite like someone also living in the south! Lol, actually, the rural midwest, where they raise most of the meat is also pretty rough. You are so not alone!
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I have disliked eating meat my whole life and I’m sixty one years old. When I was a child I use to tear it in small pieces and hide it under the edge of my plate, so I could go outside and play. Years ago to keep from causing a back up at McDonalds I would order a hamburger and take the meat off. Not saying I never enjoyed eating a piece of bacon, fried pork chop, or chicken, but I could live without it. And yes it is amazing how many strange looks and opinions I get when people realize I’m not eating meat. I just wish over the years I wouldn’t have caved in just to please other people. I’m now brave enough to order at a restaurant and say hold the meat. However, I’m not a healthy eater due to the fact I’m a sweet alcoholic. I’m trying to work on it, but I’m a junkie. I will dig chocolate out of the trash that I threw away. I make sure it is wrapped up securely. LOL A true junkie. I wish you would offer a class on healthy eating. Or is it just stick to organic raw fruits vegetables? Got to go.
Jan Saunds
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I understand where you are coming from. I pretended to like it because I was supposed to like it. I worked in steakhouses, for Pete’s sake. And I know about sweets. I used to think that I could eat candy bars and nothing else most days and because I wasn’t fat, I was healthy. It’s a journey. I’ve been working on a class about healthy eating for a while.
The fastest advice I have is a combination of Pollan, Bitman and Lipman: eat either 10 serving of produce a day or 1 lb of raw, 1 lb of cooked before you eat anything else. That gives you higher nutrition and helps reprogram your gut biome so it slows those cravings. One day at a time. Thank you for sharing! I’m happy to come consult and help you build meal plans/stock your pantry.
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I know I’m late to the party, but just googled “I hate telling people I don’t eat meat” and found your article. Thank you! At least I’m not alone. I’ve only been vegetarian for 7 months or so and 99% of people I tell feel the need to lecture me. Meat is the one thing I’ve been able to give up and not miss it. I’m proud of myself. So, it sucks when everyone feels the need to crap all over it. At least my meat loving husband is supportive.
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I meant to add that I think I might just start telling people I’m allergic or something. For some reason they’re more accepting of “can’t” then “won’t”.
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I hear you! People really do feel this is an area where they have a right to interject themselves and be openly judgemental and without any actual facts. And they do feel better if they think you can’t have something instead of knowing you have chosen not eat it. Hang in there. You are definitely not alone! It gets easier as you find other people who are the same and build a bit of community.
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