Everyone who has come to my house this week has left with a pumpkin, most willingly.

There comes a time in a lucky or persistent gardener’s life when there is such an abundance of some vegetables that you look over your harvest somewhat vexed.  

What does one do with 50 eggplant?  

How many pickles can a busy mum put up?

Why did I plant 500 onions, again?

Well, never fear, my overly blessed friend, I hear your cries and I have some suggestions for you and your laundry hamper full of zucchini.

*Put up everything you have the time to can, freeze or dehydrate.

*Contact your local shelters and missions.

*Offer it to a nursing home or retirement community cafeteria.

*Give it to a snarky child as a birthday gift.

*Feed it to animals.

*Find unlocked vehicles in church parking lots and insert veggies.

*Offer it at a market.

*Put an ad in the local paper.

*Set it in a basket at the road with a FREE sign.

*Use it to punish people who drive to fast down your road (get creative but I am not liable).

*Have a veggie eating contest.

*Do a time lapse photo essay of it all decaying and offer this to museums.

*Hollow them out, make little boats and have mice race in them.  Video it for YouTube.

*See if it fits in a potato gun and enjoy some target practice.

*String them together, make a dress and wear it in public as a response to the infamous Meat Dress.

*Let your children blow them up as a science project.

*Let little ones dress up the veggies and play with them like dolls.  

*Give them to an art school for all those bloody still life paintings of bowls of produce that hang everywhere.

*Throw them at bad variety show acts.

*Hand them out as prizes at beauty pageants, which are a thing in the south.

See?  Not such a problem after all.  Now, if you will excuse me, these mice will not video themselves.

Happy eating, Katy

This is satire.  I do not condone food waste.  Please do not write me letters on the subject.